I am hungry today, but its not for food.

Draw in every breath that you can, for it is a blessing, a gift to behold.

http://www.revolutionoflove.com/singles/courtship/courtship.html

Good for Catholic (or even non Catholic) couples who are discerning about their relationship together, whether to go into marriage or not.
For the first time, I see so many criterias and responsibilities to commit to once you decide to enter into a relationship.
The opposite of love is not hate, it is selfishness.
Something else I learnt.
Love is not self gratifying, it should be pure, and always thinking about what is best for your partner.
I understand now.
So ignorant back then.

My weekends were burnt, for a good reason, in LISS retreat, at IHM Retreat House, this mega huge bungalow.

Gotta say, it has been the most out of the world experience for all of us these three days. Being so close to God, praising Him, speaking in different tongues even we cannot understand, praying and praying, bonding with our group members and with the rest, and the little babies that came in to make special appearances every now and then, gosh. So awesome.

Thank you Lord for this LISS, thank you for the service team, thank you for speaking to us, thank you for your affirmations and reassurances, thank you for your joy, your love, your hope that You have filled us with, thank you for the amazing participants, thank you for the gift of their existence, everything is so beautiful, just cannot take it in all at once. Thank you for the collected laughter, thank you for the conversations Lord, thank you for being You, thank you for this life changing experience, I know it has already begun, in one or another, this change that is brimming, going to overflow, may it be with us for LIFE.

YAYYYYY! <3

If I could lose everything to have you back.
But the heart is something that you lack.
From there within all understanding and thoughts are being derived.
All you wanted was to forget and not bother.
How long.
How long can you last not caring.
Where is your truth.
I want your truth.
Not your other side.
Between the patches of grey and blue,
In them all,
I was searching for you, always.
My limp and weak heart
Cannot beat anymore.
It does not feel fury, passion or desire.
Because it does not wish to seek any longer.
The infinite hurt it bears.
That you bear all your life.
I could heal you.
I could break you.
But all I need now, is release.
Could you be the one to release me

I dare not put the question mark to end this.

On a happier note, I finally met the people I have always wanted to meet for so long just now wheeee!

A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized
you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.

So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...

Vague sound of rain
pierces through my song again
but I get distracted by the way his toes move when he plays
so I let it burn

I just poured my heart out
there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water
And call him up for more

And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
so sorry

He grabs my wrists
as my fingers turn into angry fists
and I whisper why can't you love me, I'll change for you
I'll play the part

And I say baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry

He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry

My mum just told me I should steady my emotions, even if I pity someone too much to the point where I thought I can regain back my feelings for that person. Heh. I can't help it if I am too soft on others, too hard on myself. :<

Silence is easy; it just becomes me.

I wish to be devoured by silence.
Not the peaceful kind of silence.
But silence in its totality.

Where to go I had no idea
26.10 was the price to pay
A messed up kid with no ideals at all
I thought those 26.10 I shouldn't give'em away

I remember this young guy died and I took his part
He got far too many stitches on his pretty face
Long time to see but I always thought us two would be serious
I was looking around town, thinking the same as you

I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more

It's never been like that...

I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more

Where to go I had no idea about it
Most of the people do, there're only doing just fine
I don't wanna stay in place no more, see
Ain't doing well well well, I am only doing just fine

Long time no see, long time no say
Got little to tell, I don't say much but I might
Something always told me us two would be serious
I am looking around town, thinking the same as you

I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more

It's never been like that...

I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more...


The last thought I had when hearing that you are in state of uncertainty, this state of being lost, losing yourself to this secular world. I am not happy, and I am not fine. That is all. I can only pray for you.

Times like these.
I feel very weak because of the damage I caused and felt.
I want to die for my mistakes and carry the mistakes others made and die together with them, so everything can be reduced to zilch.
So no one has to take the blame, or blame anyone, because I am dead, everyone can be sad and grieve. And after they grieve everyone can heal.
But honestly, I am actually hoping to achieve something after I die? For the people that are deemed to be not worth it at all?
Such ambitious hopes.
Perhaps I will just die slowly.

The last post below is dedicated to my first ex. I seem to predict the future quite well ah HAHAHAH.
After all you've done tonight, maybe I had been making a mountain out of a molehill, but still it hurt me.


So this song is for you, hogay.



Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone


Oh yes you did.
It is true that when perspectives are put into place, nothing seems wrong, nor right.
Like no one is at fault.
But however, the thing is, the hurt cannot be undone.
You have to be held accountable for that hurt.
At the same time, I am also responsible for blowing up the matter.
But this time, my eyes are so wide open.
What did I ever see in you, really?

With or without you, I am myself, I am living fine and well, because I have wholly great friends with me.
And you, you expected me to be the same throughout, then I am sorry because I couldn't be what you wanted me to be.
They said it was my loss.
I'd say it was yours.
I hope that you may face up to yourself and admit that you were wrong.

Am currently reading "The Imitation Of Christ" right now. I have put down this book a few months ago, because the attributes in it kinda applies to guys to me. But you know what, being Christlike is UNIVERSAL, is UNISEXUAL. So, why not. And I haven't gotten myself to praying the Sweetheart of Mother Mary prayer, to help me be more ladylike, and perhaps convert me to nunhood or something. HEH.

In Your own time God, show me my true vocation. :D

所有自我中心的人都有双重标准。
Honest to God, I was quite astounded reading this.
It means people who put themselves before others all have double standards.
Father Alex once told me during confession, one of the reasons why couples end their relationships with each other is because they have double standards of themselves and of each other.
Example being as the female you allow yourself to go out with many guys but you don't allow your partner to go out with even a girl alone.
Well, time to self reflect.
Something went wrong, again.
I am sorry for having been so selfish. It's right that you forget me, perhaps I don't ever deserve to even catch a glimpse of your face anymore you know.

Okay sorry for the blog spam. =.= heh.

You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw

The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
Well I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

I don't understand why so many young ones are either dead, depressed or getting terrible diseases this year.
I don't.

And yes, when someone you know becomes someone you knew, that's really depressing. Makes you think, who didn't do a good job in maintaining the relationship or friendship?

God wants me to let you go by letting me lose your guitar pick.
Okay then.

Life is going to get even more tougher, and we, are just going to get more reluctant to do things.
Times like these I need you, but there's a reason why you aren't here.
I am the reason.
Or maybe I flatter myself too much.
Today Andrew bought me a prayer card, which has 6 steps which teach us girls, how to be women, hence right now the kinda cool womanly background. I opted for a doodly one, but since I have to be immersed in womanly interests, try to grow up and such, I have to settle for this. LOL. It's funny really, so wanting to go into a relationship, I have to discard the me now and metamorphose into practically, a mum.
So now I am thrown into a dilemma.

Addicted to "Gravity", just because the singer's voice is like a lull, a drawl, and the lyrics are just so realistically poignant. I can't get enough.

You gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up You gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave upyou gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you gave up you failure.

Don't harbour hate, don't. Don't. Don't.
I really got to keep this going, I don't think I have been very loving this entire week, but I am trying my best really.

The last you appeared in my dreams, we were blissful, just plain happy, because everything around us were in sync, and in harmony with each other. We looked at the stars and we felt that everything was alright. You smiled at me and beckoned me to lie down beside you. And then the next thing I knew, I had your kid.
You won't read this anyway, but it was a strange peculiar nice dream. It was all I could ask for in a night.

若你是鲁伊，我仍然爱你。

Honey, It's been a long time coming
And I can't stop now
Such a long time running
And I can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help thinking
And I don't look down

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun
And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone

Baby, It's been a long time waiting
Such a long, long time
And I can't stop smiling
No I can't stop now
And do you hear my heart beating
And can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I won't look down

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns on you and me
And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky
And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I

Can you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I wont look down








如果你是鲁伊，我仍然爱着你.

Love never fails.

I want to do photography again.
This time with a Blackbird.
Tom and Tom's, can you just CALL ME??

I don't mean to be harsh. That was never my intention.
But this is not my season to douse myself with time wasting and meaningless chatter.
I need to make the best of everyday.
Until I meet someone whom my heart clicks with over time, I don't really wish to foray into another relationship. Not even the short term ones. I had my fun, I had my fair share of hurt and hurting other people now, but this has got to stop. To me, it's wrong; it's okay to get to know the person better, but going into a relationship without a head start of where you both are going towards? That's just bad.
The irony of this love I am handling now, is that though my heart doesn't feel as much, what I did was more than what my heart could handle.
Right now, all I need is to meet new people, do crazy things with them, make new memories, fight this war, get all tired out, but still happy, spend some time doing me things, and look forward to Mad As A Hatter, my first OPI nail polish.

Tell me, is it a sin to be a girl? Hah.

LISS yesterday was amazing. I have never felt this way with Him for so long already. <3

Finally, it doesn't matter anymore. I am committing to this decision, and this thought.

Have been having heart-burns and irregular heartbeats ever since last week.
Heh.
I really think I am going to meet my God soon.
Someone diagnose me and tell me I am alright thanks. LOL.

*You both smoke pollute me, I noise pollute you both back. Fair?

I dreamt that you had opened a business that was booming.
I was looking in and I couldn't bring myself to patronize your shop.
It's like I am hesitant.
I am wondering.
I am stopping myself from all these.
Life's numbing, in contrast to its stings and making you feel like a failure.
Shall buy myself a new life soon.

You know, it still hurts to breathe and think about you.
But you know, one day I will realise
Why the hell I took so long just to move on
I have to put all those times behind me.
And wait.
Need to puke, puke out everything
All the food in the world can't keep me happy
I need people
I need to live and breathe people
My friends
I am sorry if I just keep talking to you all and you might think I am some kind of a nuisance
I just need people to be there
I just need to talk...
I hope its not too much to ask...

You aren't looking for love, you are looking for someone who can complete you, for company, for physical contact, for someone who will stand by you even if you are in the wrong. You aren't looking for love.
You are looking in all the wrong places.

Egg.
Hard boiled
Soft boiled
Fried
Scrambled
It all came from egg.

Today I've shown my weakness, a side I'd hate to show of myself, the side which I show out of stupidity, recklessness and abandon. Thank goodness I was chastised and could rectify the situation.

Now I kinda need food.
And it's none of the things I am thinking of right now.

Love is strength.
Do you have the strength to love and accept the person for who he or she is?

It's not that you didn't love me enough, it's what she said, you couldn't love me; you were weak.

加油了.

That you are all that I have.